Plot Points #15 💌
Birthday memories, a “new” word for SAHM, spiritual structures, and a midnight library.
Hi friends and happy birthday to my old school friend, Callie M! 🎉
There were five girls in my grade growing up who had late August birthdays, each exactly two days apart: Callie on the 18th, mine on the 20th, Amy on the 22nd, Ashley on the 24th, and Beth on the 26th. Obviously, this pattern was memorable for me, especially since I was very close to both Ashley and Amy at different points and hosted joint birthday celebrations with each of them more than once.
(I also graduated with only 82 other kids, almost all of whom I had known from kindergarten, so none of this takes any effort to recall. I could probably still tell you their family members’ full names, too.)
Anyway, for posterity’s sake and because I am never not feeling nostalgic, here are some classic 90s/early 00s birthday party photos from yours truly:
Age 5, 1990. I specifically remember that my mom had just woken me up from a nap before revealing the big surprise party on the back porch. Then, as now, I was a slow, grumpy waker. Also, please let’s note my mom’s effortless style and my dad’s Carmen concert tee. I am a product of these two excellent humans and nineties Jesus Freak culture, there is no doubt.
Age 6, 1991. Another perfect back porch party, this time with a pool! I taught myself to swim in that thing, no thanks to my big brother making whirlpools around me.
Age 9, 1994. My big sister and her friend, Susie, dressed up as birthday clowns using only what we had in the house, and those hilarious faces are etched on my brain for life. This photo was taken in the kitchen of our childhood home, which opened up to the back porch of the previous photos.
Ah, Sweet Sixteen, 2001. I had just broken up with my boyfriend the week before and was all gloomy and sad until my parents surprised me with a little kitchen party (different house!), homemade chocolate cake, and the absolute STUNNER that was my first car: a 1987 Chevy Camaro 😍😍😍😍. (Which my dad bought from its first owner for just $1800.) I didn’t sell that car until 2020, btw. I kept the key, though. It’s framed in a shadow box in my office. BEST. BIRTHDAY. PRESENT. EVER.
Alright, thanks for humoring this trip down memory lane as I approach my 38th birthday on Sunday. I don’t understand how bloody fast this all happened *gestures wildly* but here we are. And I’m grateful 💗.
Have a wonderful weekend!
Point #1: The work we do, and the words we use to describe it, matters.
This gorgeous piece on the history of phrases like “housewife” and “stay-at-home-mom” digs deep into how much our devaluation of domestic work has coincided with language that oversimplifies and often makes no real sense of what women—many of whom are also bringing in income—accomplish in their families. I wanted to highlight the whole damn piece, but I’ll leave you with this nugget instead: “Nurturing children is unquestionably important, but it does not begin to encompass the broad role these women play, including cooking, cleaning, budgeting, and planning important family events…They frequently also play key community roles including caring for the elderly and sick, supporting postpartum mothers, providing critical support to schools and religious institutions, and knitting the community together through social events. Thus, stay-at-home mom implies these women’s role is primarily to stay put at home; this undersells what such women do.”
Point #2: People on welfare deserve snacks, too, dammit.
When a controversial (and that’s putting it very mildly) Congresswoman from your state starts talking about a song, you go listen for yourself. Then you take yourself right over to this fantastic piece from one of your favorite faith & culture writers, Tyler Huckabee, and fist pump in solidarity with what he has to say: “Lots of poor people work really hard and deserve to reward themselves with something good. Lots of rich people never work at all, and don’t deserve shit. Should we really be in charge of deciding who’s who?”
Point #3: Maybe it’s not that you’re failing. Maybe it’s that the fruit you’re bearing has no structure to grow on.
Whew. This friggin’ episode of That Sounds Fun with author Hosanna Wong is both a blessing and a smack in the face. Many of us have strong faith, but still feel like we’re collapsing because we have no structure on which to rest or grow. Get your pens out because this conversation is full of wisdom.
Point #4: I will absolutely turn this car around right now.
I’ve long tried to practice a gentler approach to parenting, and have learned so much from child development experts and other mom friends about how to engage with my children in a holistic way. But sometimes the gentle approach just isn’t the best one. This piece highlights some of the challenges with gentle parenting—namely, over-validation and under-correction—and offers solidarity with parents who are feeling the pressure of trying to get this thing right. (So, all of us.)
Reading In The Nook
This week, I read The Midnight Library by Matt Haig and loved it. He writes stories that are both magical and incredibly smart, and I’m happy I finally got around to reading this beloved novel.
I also finished The Unsinkable Greta James by Jennifer E. Smith which is about a struggling rock star who goes on an Alaskan cruise with her dad to recover from both a public breakdown and her mother’s death. It was a Book of the Month pick and I thought it was sweet, thoughtful, and a perfect read for a weekend. (Or three a.m. insomnia, as has been my experience lately.)
“A library is infinity under a roof.”
—Gail Carson Levine—
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